This is a Compliment. Please Take It!
When your spouse or significant other compliments you (“Honey, you sure look nice today!”), how does the conversation transpire? Let me guess….
- “I might look nicer if I weren’t having such a bad hair day.”
- “I know you’re just saying that because I look fat.”
- “I got this shirt at Target for $15, so I’m sure everyone will notice it’s cheap.”
With our girlfriends, the pity party might dominate the evening’s conversation. Upon meeting friends for drinks a few weeks ago, one of them said to me, “Oh Melinda, I love your new hair cut.” I responded: “I still don’t like it. I went in with a picture of Josie Bissett (below), but somehow I didn’t walk out looking like her.”
Why is it so hard to say, “Thank you,” rather than belittling ourselves, and likely making the complimentor feel awkward?
Why we should accept compliments
There are any number of reasons women hesitate to accept a compliment with pride: lack of self-esteem, don’t want to sound cocky, too busy trying to figure out someone’s ulterior motive, or believe we’ll always fall short of looking like Julia Roberts or Paris Hilton, so why bother pretending? But if we focus on our shortfalls every time someone says something nice to us, we’re creating a self-image that’s really wrinkly, chubby, and saggy.
“I think it’s important to accept compliments because they are a gift,” says Caitlin, the blogger behind The Healthy Tipping Point and Operation Beautiful. When someone compliments you, they want you to feel happy. Their heart is warm and they want you to feel the same way. I believe if we start to think of compliments as gifts and less as judgement, they are easier to receive.”
Caitlin’s mission with Operation Beautiful is to end negative self talk. How? She began the project by leaving complimentary notes – “You are beautiful!” – on mirrors in public bathrooms. And she challenges the rest of us topost anonymous notes in public places.
The compliment oxymoron
It’s not just our self-image that suffers when we deflect compliments. It affects how others see us, too. After that hair compliment a few weeks ago, my friend pointed out that: “If we never accept compliments from our spouse, and always defer to our bad hair, wrinkles or bulging belly; then before long, all he’s going to see is bad hair, wrinkles and big bellies.”
She’s so right. Why not try to see ourselves through their eyes? If he says he thinks we look good then, by God, let’s run with it!
Take the compliment challenge and these three tips:
Can you go a week without deflecting a compliment? Here are some tips on taking compliments and running with them:
1. Take it like a man. Men generally eat up compliments with gusto. Is it because they have higher confidence in the first place, or they like having their already well-developed egos stroked? Whatever the reason, us ladies could learn something from men on this.
2. Be thankful, not blasé, writes Ellen Burr, the blogger behind “Weighting Around.” She also suggests getting in the habit of giving more compliments, and observing how it makes the recipient feel and respond.
3. Savor it: “Repeat all the kind words you hear until you’ve internalized them, until you truly believe them without even trying,” writes Vanessa, author of “Chicken Soup for the Dorky Soul.”
What a timely post (for me at least!) I was shopping with a couple of girlfriends yesterday and made a comment about how I don't like to try on pants because I can never get them to fit my big hips. One of my friends responded that her husband has commented several times that I am too hard on myself and that he thinks I look great. I never realized that I put myself down enough that anyone would notice, but apparently they do. That is an area that I need to work on. I think I'm hard on myself because my parents were so hard on us as children to achieve in every area of our lives. When that is the case, we have a tendency to let it infiltrate our thinking about our looks, our talents, etc...
Now you have me thinking that I need to do a post on this subject! 
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What an amazing post, Melinda! I’m so glad you included me in this
Great post, Melinda.
If we don’t have a positive self-image it is difficult to accept compliments. We look in the mirror and see our flaws glaring at us so blatantly. I think we tend to be over-critical of ourselves. So when someone tells us we are looking good, instead of graciously accepting the compliment, we make a half-hearted reply, unconsciously believing we are not worthy. They say practice makes perfect so we need to begin practicing now – after all, we are looking better every day!
SUCH A GREAT POST!!! I am so guilty of being a bad compliment taker. My husband is always getting onto me about it! I am going to work on it! Thanks for such an awesome reminder!
Great post! I agree. I was also laughing at your comment about not looking like the star in the picture. Years ago when Halle Berry was rocking that super short hair cut, I took a photo of her to my stylist and said, “Make me look like this.” The lesson I learned is that while I can have Halle Berry hair, I am NOT Halle Berry.
What a timely post (for me at least!) I was shopping with a couple of girlfriends yesterday and made a comment about how I don’t like to try on pants because I can never get them to fit my big hips. One of my friends responded that her husband has commented several times that I am too hard on myself and that he thinks I look great. I never realized that I put myself down enough that anyone would notice, but apparently they do. That is an area that I need to work on. I think I’m hard on myself because my parents were so hard on us as children to achieve in every area of our lives. When that is the case, we have a tendency to let it infiltrate our thinking about our looks, our talents, etc…
Now you have me thinking that I need to do a post on this subject!